Just the other day, I received an email that hurt my feelings.
When I read it, I literally started shaking. “How could she have said those things?” My heart began to pound, and that hurt quickly shifted to anger.
Can you remember the last time you felt that happen?
All sorts of insecurities popped up, causing me to question if I had wrongly handled the situation she wrote about. “Was I really what she said? Was my family as she described? Didn’t I follow the proper chain of authority?”
Because I’ve journeyed through rough seasons with this person—and because she knows the dusty path I’ve walked, too—it hurt even more.
Actually, it knocked me to my knees.
This isn’t how I used to react to an offense, though. It’s new behavior.
Backed into a corner, I’ve always come out with teeth bared and claws out, ready to dish it right back… to infinity and beyond.
But I didn’t do that.
I might have shot an email right back, defending myself… my actions… my family. I’d have taken each sentence and formulated a clever response aimed to annihilate her feelings.
But I didn’t do that either.
Maybe I would have forwarded the email to all my friends trying to garner support, purposeful to drag her name through the mud—just to get even.
But that didn’t happen.
For the next thirty minutes, I sat and prayed those same words over and over and over. “Lord, I need to see the truth. Give me the mind of Jesus.”
Slowly, my heart began to shift from wanting to plot revenge to becoming sympathetic over the raw brokenness of this woman.
I wondered what you’re not good enough messages were triggered, helping her justify pushing the send button on the email message.
This wasn’t about me. Or my actions. Or my family.
It was all about her brokenness.
And as much as I wanted to expose and exploit it, I didn’t. My pride wanted to open fire on her heart with my own set of hurtful words, but it wouldn’t have helped in the long run.
She didn’t need me to condemn her behavior.
God didn’t need me to convict her my way.
And I didn’t need to convince her I wasn’t what she said I was.
I realize now that the Enemy wanted to use her words to poke my own wounds that remind me I’m not good enough—the ones God is healing even now.
His plan to tangle my self-esteem didn’t work. Well, not for long anyway.
Because God really is doing what He said He would do.
HE IS HEALING ME.
“LORD, my God, I cried out to you for help, and you healed me.” (Psalm 30:2 CEB)
I don’t know how God will redeem this situation. I’m not sure how we’ll recover what was so carelessly tossed into the fire.
God’s timing and plan is perfect, though.
And I’m so grateful to see evidence that He is healing my heart.
Girls… when we’re easily offended and quick to anger, it’s a flashing beacon that lets us know we’re operating out of a wounding. Some unhealed hurt has been triggered, and we’ve reacted to the person or situation with years of stored up pain.
And until we ask God to reveal where it started and heal it at the core, our fleshy responses to that wound being poked… won’t change.
But when we cry out and ask for revelation and restoration, God will bring healing.
Where do you need God to heal your heart?
Just keepin’ it real…
©2014 Carey Scott
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