A friend called me out today.
She lovingly suggested that I should be more willing to tell others what I need. My thought was… why can’t they just know what I need without me having to take the risk and share it?
Is it really wrong to hope that our friends and family will figure it out?
Yes. Why? Because if we leave it to chance, our needs will rarely be met. And if our legitimate needs aren’t met in a positive way… we’ll find shallow ways to get a temporary fix.
- We might drink too much
- Turn to food
- Shop till we drop
- Escape reality with a smutty book or movie
- Or just shut down
Look, we all have legitimate human needs. All of us. We want to be loved, appreciated, seen, acknowledged, valued, included, etc. And what I am learning, is that it’s okay to not only want these needs to be met but also to ask for others to meet them.
Scary. Vulnerable. Risky.
My friend challenged me to “use my words” (she’s a preschool teacher) and share with others what it is that Carey needs to feel valued and loved.
Hmmmm. I wonder why I am afraid to outright ask for what I need? Maybe you can relate.
- Is it because I have put myself out there too many times before?
- Are my expectations are too high?
- Do others not have the ability to give me what I need?
- Am I afraid they won’t want to?
- Might I find I’m not as important to them as I thought?
- Does it make me too vulnerable or sound too prideful?
- Have I shared before with no results and now I feel like a broken record?
This concept really challenged me. And it made me think: since I am hesitant to tell those I love and care for my true needs, am I also holding back from sharing them with God?
Because if that’s true, it’s not what He wants for me.
We’re told in Matthew 7:7… “Ask, and you will receive. Search, and you will find. Knock, and the door will be opened for you.” This verse is telling us that if we ask for what we want and pray with faith, we’ll receive.
But here’s where it gets tricky.
He may say no to what I ask today, because there is a better yes around the corner. Sometimes what we are asking for isn’t in our best interest, so He will answer us with something more appropriate.
What we can be assured of, though, is that He hears our requests and will respond to them. And the cool thing is that the closer we are to God, the more we find that our heart’s desire is what His heart wants for us.
I think the same is true for those we love.
Sisters, I’m going to really try to be bold with sharing my needs… knowing that by doing so, I’m also allowing others to see my messy-ness. I’m going to be vulnerable with my friends by letting them see what’s inside me – the good, the bad and the ugly. I will trust that regardless of what they see, they will love me anyway. <deep breaths>
God gave us each other, a community, to support and love one another. Will you step out and share your needs, too?
If we need, we need to ask.