I knew something was wrong when she walked in the room.
A year ago today, four words came out of my doctor’s mouth with a great degree of difficulty. “You have ovarian cancer.” I’m not sure how much time passed before I was able to respond with something more than tears.
My two kids were sitting in the waiting room and were promised ice cream if they behaved like civilized little people. This was supposed to be a routine follow-up appointment to remove my stitches after a textbook hysterectomy. But instead it proved to be a tornado that sucked me up into utter chaos.
I was terrified and filled with emotion and fear. So many questions swirled in my mind…
- Was this going to kill me?
- What would happen to my kids without me?
- How would Wayne handle being a single parent?
It’s times like these where you find out what you’re really made of. It’s where “the rubber meets the road” if you will. I honestly wondered if I would trust Him enough to safely bring me through it.
What I wanted to do was hide… run away. I didn’t want to tell anyone other than my family and close friends. But at the urging of a friend, I decided to make it a very public struggle.
That was divine advice. Why? Because God used it as a testimony of trust.
People who said they never prayed, told me they would in this instance. Others who I hadn’t spoken with since high school (and some I didn’t even know) offered encouragement and support. My community rallied around me in a way I cannot fully explain.
Through the next few weeks after the diagnosis and before the second surgery to further define the cancer and the treatment, I clung to God. I was determined to trust His plan and His timing.
Instead of living in fear, I resolved to completely trust God. Really.
My prayer changed from “Heal me” to “If I must have this to further your Kingdom, count me in. I trust you.” I resolved to do this cancer-thing well. To allow God to use me and my diagnosis however He saw fit.
But guess what. No cancer was found in surgery. No cancer was found in post-op pathology either. No follow-up treatment was necessary. As fast as I was sucked up into this tornado, I was spit back out.
Do you know what I’ve come to understand?
That God intentionally uses times like these to teach us to trust Him in the storm. Let’s be honest… it’s easy to let God take the wheel when life’s roads are straight and narrow. However, it’s a whole different ball game when those roads begin to twist and turn.
What are you fighting against right now? What tornado have you been sucked into?
My advice? Know that God is “in” these trying times with you… and trust Him with all your fear, anger, and despair.
Friends… when it seems all hope is gone, cling to Him in your life storms.