“Mom, I can’t believe how mean “she” is being. She’s mad at me, and is making my life miserable. And I thought we were good friends. Can you please come pick me up? I feel all alone and worthless. ”
Oh my gosh.
Everything in me wanted to jump in my car and go get my wounded 12-year-old. I wanted to hug her, remind her how valuable she is, and then while she sits in the car with some chocolate… go have a conversation with her friend.
Girls, why do we treat each other this way? Even in our adult life, why are we careless with the heart of other women?
My daughter’s message tightened a tangle inside me that God is still working on. Obviously.
I gave her all the good-momma advice I had. I told her I was praying. I shared that this wasn’t a mountain, but a molehill and things could look very different tomorrow (it is middle school, you know). And I said I loved her very much, and was so sorry.
But our conversation put a pit in my stomach because the situation felt familiar.
~ I remembered a time I felt left out and rejected.
~ I’ve been caught in the crossfire of drama.
~ I thought of when a friend talked behind my back, saying things so dishonoring.
~ I recalled a time when a confidant shared my secret, exposing my heart.
~ And I thought of other times friends just let me down for one reason or another.
I bet you can, too.
Friendship can be such a tangle-maker, because we tether our heart to hers. And we expect it will always be, so we let our guard down.
We feel safe and secure because we share.
We feel alive and adventurous because we play.
We feel compassion and camaraderie because we listen.
So when we’re betrayed… or rejected… or attacked… or excluded… or ganged-up-on… the knot that reminds us we’re worthless and unlovable tightens.
But maybe – just maybe – these tangles are being exposed because God wants to loosen them. And we can’t untangle what we don’t know is tangled.
And while we’re quick to blame it on the devil or on her callousness, maybe the Divine Untangler needs us to be aware of the hurt so we can be aware of the Healer.