We’re about a month into our journey, and I’m wondering how the process of surrendering has been for you.
Have you seen some good results?
Are you struggling to make it a reality?
Do you think it’s a bunch of bunk?
Well… if you’ve chosen to walk this with me, I want to tell you how proud I am of you. We have come so far in a short amount of time.
We’ve determined the difference between Godly surrender and worldly submission.
We’ve discussed why we should surrender.
We’ve looked at the need to respect our husbands.
We’ve talked about quieting our inner control freak.
This is a very brave, bold move on your part. You’re setting yourself up for God to richly bless your marriage. You’re allowing your husband room to be the man he was created to be.
Rest knowing that God will honor your obedience.
But remember this isn’t always the right move. If your husband is abusive, chronically unfaithful or has an out-of-control addiction… I strongly encourage you not to walk this surrender journey and instead seek Christian counsel. Sister… God sees you and your circumstance. Ask Him for your next step.
Well today, I want to share an interesting twist in my journey.
I’ll be honest. I’ve seen a shift in how we are operating in our marriage. Wayne is stepping into his right-role, and I am stepping into mine.
- His confidence has returned.
- He’s happily making more decisions.
- He’s learning that what he wants and what he thinks matter.
I love to see him like this.
It’s how it should be… how it was designed to be.
But I am discovering something interesting through this journey… and maybe you are, too.
Surrendering is really a heart issue.
Unfortunately, behavior modification will only last so long. So for a long-term change like we are seeking, our hearts need God’s intervention. We need His renewal and His eternal perspective to make surrendering a permanent pattern in our marriage.
Within the past few weeks, God’s been revealing that my heart needs His divine attention. He’s showed me that…
- It’s been deeply hurt, and hasn’t received His deep healing yet.
- It’s guarded, even with people who desire to know it.
- It’s fearful of being hurt again.
What I’m beginning to understand is that my heart has operated in self-protection mode, undetected for so many years. And unless I allow God to renew it as only He can, nothing will change.
I will continue to struggle with trust.
I will continue to control my world.
I won’t be able to fully surrender.
Anyone but me?
I wonder… how is your heart doing?
Are you feeling resentful? Easily angered? Moody? Stubborn to the process? Hopeless? Joyless?
Maybe you need to invite God’s healing power to give you a change of heart. It’s an essential part of your journey to wholeheartedly surrender to your husband.
Listen to God’s promise.
“I’ll give you a new heart, put a new spirit in you. I’ll remove the stone heart from your body and replace it with a heart that’s God-willed, not self-willed. I’ll put my Spirit in you and make it possible for you to do what I tell you and live by my commands.” (Ezekiel 36:26-27 MSG)
Because we have His Holy Spirit in us, our hearts can be healed.
What once burdened us can be removed and replaced with a new heart that desires to be the Godly wife He created us to be.
But if you notice, that scripture says He will “make it possible” for us to do what He asks of us.
So we know that becoming a surrendered wife is… possible.
But, it requires something from us.
You see, God sets us up for success.
- He gives us a new heart.
- He gives us the Counselor to guide us.
- He gives us hope.
But we need to ask for His help.
In our own strength… surrendering is impossible.
But with God… all things are possible. Even becoming a surrendered wife.
So. Ask.
Father, thank You for providing a way for us to become surrendered wives. You’re such a gracious Daddy to give Your girls what we need to be who You created us to be. We are asking for renewed hearts so we can better love our husbands. Let us see them as You see them. Heal the wounds that keep us from loving them wholeheartedly. Renew our hearts so we desire to faithfully surrender to these men You’ve blessed us with. Lord, we thank You for our marriages. Help us protect them by breaking down barriers which keep us from fully trusting our men. We ask for deliverance from our controlling nature. God, we need Your help so we can be the affirming and supportive wives we want to be. Please give us Your divine intervention today. In Jesus’ Name. Amen.
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REALITY CHECK: Surrendering isn’t just behavior modification, it’s a heart issue. Ask Him to change yours today.
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©2013 Carey Scott
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Concept taken from The Surrendered Wife
Girl – on EVERY level this speaks to me…. the scripture of a NEW heart is a full circle for me – and it is so God’s job to do this thing in us… I am SO very proud of you for taking the risk to go so deep and be so vulnerable – this is the heart of our FATHER – to trust him with our hearts and to allow him to shape and mold us into the very creation HE intended….
You are going to be so richly blessed by your willingness to participate in the process – so is your man – so are your kids –
Lord – I, too, surrender my heart and my wounds and my life to YOU ALONE – have your way with us – we love you – and we want to love you MORE –
Thanks for walking this out with me, Amanda! It means so much for us to link arms. Love you.
Carey – firstly thank you for this series. This is an amazing walk, and has come at a time when my marriage is being most challenged. I am thankful you put in the caveat about women in unhealthy marriages so they know this is a walk for a healthy, safe relationship. That is so needed. Wise words! Abuse, addiction and cultural challenges make it a more complex issue when working on marriage.
“It’s a guy thing” my husband did that a week ago, and he has had to let me help him more and I’ve had to restrain my desire to remind him of his crazy idea that didn’t work. I’m supporting him with my surrender as well as with my serving.
Families that don’t fit the usual ‘framework’ can still do this, it just is more complicated! 🙂 Bless you girl!
Shanyn… I’m certain you are a blessing to your husband!
Thanks Carey…:-)
I’ve been following this journey and just so happens that its been during some huge family decisions and so I usually guide these more then my husband but I’m truly surrendering to him and so far these decisions aren’t coming out good in fact exactly the way I thought they would and now i’m worried and want to take over again…any advice?
Telika… girl! Ugh. This is a hard process. As long as your husband is a safe man… and as long as his decisions aren’t putting you and your family in danger… the author of The Surrendered Wife suggests you stick it out and let him fail. He will learn. He’s trying on “new skin.” When I first started, the trash piled up for two weeks. It drove me nuts. But I continued to pray for his ability to step into leadership and when the third week rolled around… the trash went out. (and it has ever since) 🙂 Ultimately, you need to do what you need to do in this situation. But before you toss in the towel, ask God what He thinks. Ask for His wisdom to know when to let your husband build that spiritual muscle and when to step in and help. Bless you, sweet sister!
I am in a difficult situation and have to ask – how would you define “chronically unfaithful”?
Dear Struggling… I think it depends on you, sweet one. For me, it would be more than once. For others, maybe 3x or more. But you need to figure out what is too much for you. I’m so sorry to hear that you are dealing with this in your marriage. As women, it cuts us to the quick as so many of us struggle with a healthy sense of worth. I hope you have a Christian counselor or trusted pastor to talk this over with. “Father God, please give this woman Your discernment in this situation. Show her Your will for her marriage. Direct her feet. Put someone in her life that can walk this with her, Lord. Show her – tangibly – how much You love her. Let Your love and peace wash over her. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”
{Melinda} I’ve been doing a study, Carey, called Enhancing Your Marriage by Judy Rossi and it is excellent. It truly is the best material I have ever read on marriage and his made such a difference in my attitude and heart. I’m so glad you are are doing this series … marriage is so hard sometimes, but I know I have made it harder with deciding to hold on to anger, selfishness and resentment.
Melinda… Gonna get that book. Taking care of our marriage is important on so many levels. Thanks for the suggestion!