A crisis of faith…

It’s been a while… I know.

I’d like to blame my blogging absence on busyness. I’m in the throes of an awesomely crazy speaking schedule. I could also point fingers at a looming manuscript deadline of December for the follow-up book to Untangled, called Uncommon (it will be on shelves July 1^st… more on that later).

But if I were to be honest with you, I admit to not blogging because I have been discouraged at the deepest level. And I’ve thought so many times about stepping out of ministry… because it’s hard.

This year has been full of heart-thumping disappointments—the kind where you shake your head and say, what just happened?

I’m no stranger to being let-down by people. It’s just part of life… right? And I know the value of putting on your big girl pants and walking through hard circumstances. Life can be challenging. These are realities we all face, navigate and learn from.

But every once in a while, something or someone pierce those deeper places in your heart and it’s hard to reconcile. And you gasp at the truth of what just happened because it seems so impossible.

That’s where I’ve been over the past six months. Finding my footing and catching my breath has been one of the hardest things I’ve ever done.

And I’ve been angry—at her, at them at God. I’ve been abandoned and rejected… feeling un-covered, un-loved, un-done.  I’ve felt used and insignificant. I have wanted justice, and looked at countless options for it. I’ve cried and screamed and hidden in busyness.  

I’ve watched a dream die, a friendship crumble, and someone prosper greatly off of my work. And it’s left me struggling to keep my joy and anchor myself in hope. It’s just felt like too much. Oh yes, it has been a rough season.

Maybe you are here, too. Chances are life in your corner of the world is big and hard and discouraging.. and you are gasping for air as well. There doesn’t seem to be a lack of curve balls these days.  Hurtful words, painful break-ups, scary diagnoses, empty bank accounts, mind-numbing injustices, oppressive relationships, and unmet needs knock us down.

And we question God.

Where are you? Why did you allow this? Why didn’t you save me? Why aren’t you fixing it?

But friend, this is where the rubber meets the road. This is where we find out if we’re just playing faith… or if we believe God is who He says He is.

And if we aren’t careful, this is where the Enemy creates in us a crisis of faith.

These hard seasons may cause us to question where and why. They may shake the foundation of our faith. And it may take everything we have to hold on to the truth that God is good and His ways are right, but we have to muster the grit to do it anyway. We may ask God to remind us He is in control. We may need Him to give us peace in the midst. We may even need God to give us the spiritual eyes and ears to find Him in it.

But we choose to trust that our pain and suffering has a purpose. Gosh… I need to know it does. You, too?

I know it can be a bitter pill to swallow, but knowing there is purpose is what kept me from walking away from ministry. It kept me from a crisis of faith. I may not understand it – maybe not even this side of Heaven will I know why this season hit so hard – but I trust there is purpose.

I trust God.

And I know that He never wastes an opportunity to strengthen our faith… build our trust… heal our hearts… open our eyes… and direct our path.

If you are in a dark season and trying to make sense of your situation, hold on.

Hold on to the truth that…

… God is good.

… His heart is for you

… He won’t leave you stuck

…  And there is divine purpose in what you are walking through

There are days my heart is still heavy from the battle—days where the tears come easier than others. I still have to tame my revenge-seeking tendencies, choosing to bless instead of curse. And I continue to ask God to help me remember He is faithful, trustworthy and working on my behalf.

Because those truths give me … hope.

Friend… where are you today? What are you battling? How can I pray for you?