My husband rarely handles life the way I do.
He is a last-minute kind of guy, while I tend to prepare things in advance. You know… so I’m not running around like a mad woman, sweating and muttering words that are better left unsaid.
I run my home – for the most part – with great organization (thanks, mom).
While I am certain it can be frustrating to some on the front end, our weekday mornings run smoothly.
But one day a week, I work out of the home. And so Wayne has claimed that particular morning as his responsibility to get the kids up and ready for school.
He packs lunches.
Chooses their outfits.
Is on teeth-brushing patrol.
And… it also happens to be trash day.
Lord, help me.
Can I be honest?
It takes every bit of strength I have to say “nothing” as my sweet man runs around the house… week after week… trying to make this all happen.
I just stay tucked in my bathroom and worry about getting myself ready to face the world. Not being much of a morning person, this takes some time and effort.
… Trust me.
From my hideout, I can hear the chaos. I know my kids enough to know this change in routine can be challenging. I see the sweat on Wayne’s brow as he moves at a quick pace to get everything done.
But without fail…
- They leave on time.
- Trash is at the curb.
- Clothes match.
- Toothbrushes used.
- Lunch boxes full.
And as they drive off, I exhale: Some of that being relief from the stress, and some being frustration that he once again pulled it off.
Sisters… It’s hard to let my husband do things his way without barking instructions or making sarcastic remarks about how my way is better.
Because honestly, I’m not sure it is.
Well, maybe for me.
But God created Wayne differently.
This year has been serious training ground for me in my marriage. God’s called me to soften in my ways and be wiser with my words.
Because… my words have great power.
They carry an assignment.
And girlfriend… yours do, too.
Words kill, words give life; they’re either poison or fruit—you choose.” (Proverbs 18:21)
Words can compress hearts… deflate excitement… puncture joy… flatten ideas… destroy self-esteem… collapse dreams… squash hope… humiliate efforts.
Or…
Words can give life.
“I am so thankful for your help on Thursday mornings.”
“You’re such an amazing dad and husband.”
“I appreciate you making coffee in the midst of getting the kids ready for school!”
“I love your heart for your family.”
You get the picture.
So… what if instead of using our words to poison those we love and care about, we responded in the opposite spirit? When our thoughts turn hurtful and threaten to escape our lips, what if we are quick to apply that proverbial duct tape until the desire to injure retreats.
What if instead of using those words that kill, we speak…
… appreciation and adoration to our husbands.
… encouragement and self-worth to our kids.
… affirmation and trust to co-workers.
… truth and love to our friends.
And when we feel that urge to impose our ways or discourage theirs… what if we hide in the bathroom and asked God for grace to love others… better.
Sisters… I am choosing to speak words of life.
What about you?
♥
REALITY CHECK: Don’t speak unless you can improve on the silence. –Spanish Proverb
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© 2012 careyscotttalks.com
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Thank you so much for this today. Feels like mind and mouth are set on silent mode and althought it helps from speaking damaging comments – I am not releasing praise and adoration to my family when I do this. This is what I have been missing. Thank you for the reminder to me today that I may be taking each thought captive but all my family is seeing is silence. They need to hear how I have switched my thoughts, given praise for them, etc…
I find myself often on the other side of painful words from my spouse, and I can attest to the fact that words do kill. After two decades, there are times that I feel dead inside. Words can strangle love and squeeze out breathless pain in its place.
When you hold in critical words and choose to appreciate rather than criticize, you speak life and vibrancy and joy into your marriage. When you acknowledge that your spouse’s way of doing life is just as valid as yours, rather than instructing him on how to do it better, you are accepting him as he is. Good for you!
Yes, I do sometimes hide in my bathroom…so I can weep in private and lift my hands to Jesus, asking for the grace to forgive when forgiveness has not been asked and to choose love over and over again.
It is a daily struggle to choose joy…to choose to notice the goodness in spite of the hurtful words. Maybe one day God will work in my spouse’s heart. In the meantime, I am trying to be like Jesus. I keep repeating, “Love covers over a multitude of sins.”
CM… thank you for sharing your heart. I’m sorry that you find yourself on the other side of painful words. I pray that God covers you and affirms your value and importance to Him. Not in my marriage, but I have found myself in a similar situation when I was younger. Words are so powerful… both ways. They can be so deflating. They can be joy-killers. But I know God’s plans are to prosper us. I’ve seen that first-hand. So glad He is your safe place.
This was a great post, honey. I’m proud of the messages you sha… wait a minute – there’s sweat on my brow? I never noticed. Probably because I’m too harried. 🙂 Love you!
Love you, too… honey! Sweat, harried and all!
Yup…this was good!!!
CM, we should meet (so to speak)! I have a very similar story.
Carey, this is a great post and wonderful words of advise!
Girlfriend- you always say what I NEED to hear! Who’s telling you? Thank you Holy Spirit! Thanks for working in Carey for all of us to hear what is hard! Please soften all our hearts Lord and help us return today like You Lord!
So important Carey! Thank you for sharing like you do! ~ Blessings out, Amy Alves
Thanks, Amy! Hope to meet you some day!