Want some sound advice to make your marriage flourish?
Here it is: “Sometimes you need to shut your mouth, and pray about it instead.“
A friend of mine spoke that into my life years ago. While it initially caught me off guard (and made me a little defensive), it has proven to be wise advice.
You see, there are times the best thing we can do is keep our mouths closed.
Sheesh… so much easier said than done, eh?
She shared this advice after I dished about things my husband was doing that I wanted… changed. I had been looking for opportunities to share those things with Wayne. I’d become so vocal about wanting him to be different which put a strain on our relationship.
But she reminded me that wasn’t the kind of wife God wanted me to be.
He didn’t want me to be a nagging wife.
He wanted me to be a praying wife.
Sometimes, the best thing we can do for our marriage is… zip it up and lift it up.
So why don’t we?
I’d like to suggest that maybe it’s because we have a hard time trusting in the power of prayer.
We think petty frustrations with our husbands are areas we’re capable of handling on our own.
We think God has bigger fish to fry, and our frayed nerves are too far down His to-do list.
Am I right?
And rather than ask God for perspective… rather than ask God to change hearts… we take matters into our own hands with time-tested tactics like:
- Guilt
- Manipulation
- Shame
- Nagging
- Anger
Sisters, these tactics didn’t work so well for me. They backfired. Caused arguments. Hurt feelings. Created tension. Divided camps.
Something needed to change.
Does it for you, too?
What if we decided to pray about it instead?
What if when your husband won’t step up and be the spiritual leader in your house… you pray for God to move his heart rather than remind him how he’s not measuring up?
What if when his work/life balance gets out of whack… you pray for better priorities rather than make him feel like a bad husband or father?
What if when he isn’t being helpful with chores… you pray for God to show him your need for help rather than constantly nagging him to pitch in?
Our words carry great power.
But our prayers carry even more.
Proverbs 13:3 tells us “Whoever controls his mouth protects his own life. Whoever has a big mouth comes to ruin.”
So when we want to see some legitimate changes, this verse tells us to pray about it rather than risk hurtful, harmful, hateful words.
♥
REALITY CHECK: What do you need to be praying about more and nagging about less?
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© 2012 careyscotttalks.com
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The power of prayer!! Love that the Lord wants us to come to Him and share our heart. He desires for us to hand it over to Him – to trust Him with our husbands. I am so thankful!!! I have found not only the need to pray when something is bothering me but also to then speak blessing over my husband and to ask the Lord to show me how to encourage or uplift him in the situation. Example … if he is working more, to pray, ask the Lord to bless him at work, give him favor, and then to seek the Lord to fill me where I am lonely or tired. But to then ask the Lord how can I encourage my husband in this season. How can I help love him more. I believe it truly is a battle of our mind (remember we can’t change them but we can change how we handle the situation) and we can choose (not ignore) to bless or curse them by what we are focusing on. Thank you Carey for the insight on how to cultivate an attitude of respect for our husband and a deeper dependency on the Lord.
Blessing our husbands rather than cursing them is so key, Jeanelle. I am in AGREEMENT with you, sweet friend!
I really like this verse (Luke 2:19)…”But Mary kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart.”
No venting, ranting & raving, not running to complain to all who would listen…but just pondering them in her heart!
We should all have that confidence that everything that concerns us is under the control of our God! Why consult anyone else…we know Jesus is the only one to go to for the answer!!
Great post!
I’m a talker…I like to talk out my problems. And for many years it was with as many people as I thought it took for me to come up with the right answer. I am working towards having those conversations with God. It’s not been an easy transition, but ”imperfect progress” (as Lysa Terkurst would say) is better than not starting at all. God has given me the Blessing (and curse) of the ”gift of gab” what I am trying to do is harness it better (that would be the curse) to use it for encouragement and gentle correction (of my children). I need to pray about my husband helping around the house. I stay home, but end up taking care of both inside and outside chores. I also babysit and tutor, so it’s not that I don’t work. It’s been a source of great frustration to me. I have confronted my husband once, and things changed for about 2 weeks, but we are back to me doing most things. I have been working on having the conversations with God that I want to have with my girlfriends and my husband. There is more peace with this way. And I pray for God to show my husband ways to help, and/or times and ways to gently share my frustrations, without nagging or making him defensive.
Girl! Not sure if I want to hug you or beat you!!! You know what I mean? You said what The Holy Spirit wanted me to hear, listen, & obey! You always speak TRUTH back into my heart on just the right day! Thank you Carey & God!