This past weekend, we attended a memorial service for my husband’s mom.
A handful of family and friends came from all parts of the country to celebrate her life. And as we all gathered at their home, everyone took turns sharing all the good things they remembered about her.
And I began to panic.
Because nothing came to mind.
A little back story?
Shortly after Wayne and I were married, our relationship with his parents became strained. Instead of gaining a daughter, they felt as if they’d lost a son instead.
And it was an obvious mindset. Oh it was messy.
I certainly didn’t handle their rejection well. For most of my life, I had struggled with feelings of worthlessness. So their decision not to embrace me… triggered me. Big time.
Coming into the marriage with my own set of baggage, I was such a wounded soul. And so my tendency was to lash out in anger at those “you’re-not-good-enough” messages.
… Honestly, I just wanted them to love me.
My poor husband was caught in the middle, and ultimately decided to support and protect me and our marriage. Oh I just love him for that.
And in the end, that allegiance proved to be a deal-breaker with his parents. And without warning, they ended their relationship with us.
It about killed my husband.
There’s much to this story, details that don’t need to be shared, but it was a game-changing event for Wayne.
How do you makes sense of things when those who have always loved, protected and encouraged you… walk away?
You don’t.
You can’t.
It deeply rocked my man and almost destroyed our marriage. And for nine very difficult years, we were estranged from his parents.
… But God was about to shake things up.
One Sunday as we sat in church, we both felt God saying… “It’s time to reconcile.” It was clear and we both knew it.
So Wayne prayed about it, we talked about it, and he finally drove to their home and knocked on their door.
The reunion was sweet (with a little sour sprinkled here and there). We made a conscious decision to let the past stay in the past, and agreed to only look to the future.
And after nine years apart, our family was able to spend last Christmas with his parents.
Who knew it would be our last.
Six months after the reunion, Wayne’s mom died.
Fast forward to last weekend.
As I listened to everyone share stories of how wonderful and loving his mom had been, a sense of sadness overwhelmed me.
She sounded like an amazing woman who impacted the lives of so many people. They loved her laugh. They admired her courage and resilience. She had sweet signature phrases. She’d been a surrogate mom to a few. And everyone in that room deeply loved her and missed her.
But I never saw any of it. Neither did Sam and Sara… her only grandkids.
I’m so glad we were there that day. So grateful for the stories my kids got to hear about their grandmother, even if I wasn’t able to add to them. Since they’d only really known her a few short months, those stories gave them a peek into who she was.
I’m glad Wayne’s father felt love and support from those who mattered the most to them.
But more than anything, I’m thankful (and proud) that Wayne listened to God’s prompting… and trusted Him enough to reach out to his parents and reconnect.
Oh how that must have filled his mom’s heart with joy as she took her last breath.
Relationships are crunchy. They are hard and take great patience. People are infuriating and circumstances overwhelming. But God created community on purpose.
And knowing how messy it can be, God is always ready to restore those broken relationships.
When we can’t fix it, He can.
And if we ask Him, He will.
“I am the Lord God of all humanity. Nothing is too hard for me.” (Jeremiah 32:27)
♥♥♥
©2013 Carey Scott
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I hear and see the Lord speaking through your silence in a powerful way. Thank you for sharing this story. Wow!
Sarah… I love how you see the world, my sweet friend! Thanks for your encouragement!
This is so powerful, Carey. Thanks again for your honesty. What a difficult thing to live with for 9 years! And how kind of God to restore things just in time. I ache for the loss you’ve all had, and pray there will be new life with Wayne’s dad in the future.
Thank you, Ruth! God has been so faithful in His full restoration!
Carey thank you for this much needed example of the importance to listen to God’s promptings. His plan for our lives and heart is perfect but SO often we miss His leading and miss out on the healing and freedom He wants to provide. Thank you for sharing and I am thankful that your family was able to reconnect.
Jeanelle… it can be so hard to hear God direct us and then choose to walk it out. So proud of my husband for doing both!
Carey ~ I am so thankful for you sharing the real and the hard. I am estranged from my parents. It’s only 1.5 yrs. Will it be 9? When they come to mind I pray, listening for His voice telling me it’s time for reconciliation. I worry that I’ve missed it or that I’m not listening closely enough. You and your husband have given me to hope to keep listening and to remember that the Lord WANTS us to be reconciled. Never give up! This past Christmas was our last with my MIL ~ she said it was the best ever. I”m sure your MIL felt the same way!!! <3
Lorna… ugh. So hard, girl. I do encourage you to keep listening for His timing. So much good stuff happened with us during that time of separation… things that couldn’t have happened otherwise. 🙂
Oh Carey…. how hard that must have been. Wow! Relationships are messy. I am so proud of your husband for standing by you and for reconciling. What a great story. I remember when my husband and I got married my MIL felt similarly. Her husband had died when her son (my husband) was only 4, so he became “the man of the family” all that time. When we got married there was a definite sense of loss for her, and I felt it. It was hard. But it never resulted in losing our relationship, just snarky comments that I chose to ignore. 😉
God’s timing is perfect. It’s a great, great story of being sensitive to the Holy Spirit. Love it!
Thank you, Kari! Ugh, community IS messy. But God’s timing for restoration is indeed… perfect.
Just beautiful, Carey. Oh the dysfunction that comes with marriage! A similar story here, but with the ending that my husband forgave his mother (she didn’t ask) from a difficult, hurtful childhood and my husband is now healed and a changed man. God is good, so very good. My children don’t know either of my husband’s parents and spouses, but they’ve seen God do a work in their Daddy’s heart and in our marriage. Thank you for sharing.
Marty… how interesting that this seems to be more of the rule than the exception. Forgiveness is the key to restoration, hands down. Love the example your husband is showing your kids. What a blessing, indeed! Thanks for stopping by!
OH what a beautiful and powerful post!! I am so glad I stopped by, Carey. Your honesty is amazing and I absolutely love how God’s perfect timing and you and your husbands perfect obedience led to a redemption and salvaged her last months of life. Just think if you didn’t honor His Lead? Oh what a wonderful and incredible story. I am so sad that his parents couldn’t embrace you into their family. But I am so proud of how you two handled God prompting at the time you did. I love how God works that way… and I adore your faithfulness!
My heart was beating out of my chest as I read this…I finally am catching up on your postings. I have prayed for you, Wayne and the kiddo’s for this reunion, since I had the dream of such a reunion. Which I believe I shared with you at coffee before my move. With the recent loss of my father, I am so grateful that The Lord lead us back home to have that ever so special time together. Time spent with those you love is really one of the most important things that God calls all of us to do on this planet.
My sympathy and love to you and your family.
In Him,
Rainie
Rainie… I know you know that pain of disconnection, even if for different reasons. I’m so sorry you lost your father. I know how much he meant to you and your family. Thank you for your prayers of reconciliation. God heard every one of them. Love you…