I love being married to Wayne. He’s a great husband and is intentional in showing how much he cares about me.
He tells me I’m beautiful everyday. (Who wouldn’t want that?)
He supports my ministry and happily takes on the kids when I travel to speak.
He listens (most of the time, anyway) when I’m a drama-mamma.
Wayne is a cup-half-full kind of guy who is rarely in a bad mood… and he adores his family more than any other man I know.
His walk with God continues to grow and I’m amazed at the person he is now,versus who he was when we got married.
But every once in a while, I start believing we aren’t as connected as we should be.
I begin to wonder why he’s not a better husband. I start listing off things he could do to make me feel more loved and valued. My mind thinks of a million different things I wished he was.
Maybe you can relate?
But you know what I’ve come to understand about those times?
Wayne isn’t the issue… I am.
When I find myself needing Wayne to be more, better or different… sometimes the problem lies with me.
And the question I ask myself is, “How is my relationship with God right now?”
Because if my relationship with God is distant, I begin to look to my husband to fill the needs only God can fill.
And when Wayne doesn’t meet them… because he can’t…
- I begin to nit-pick.
- I expose his shortcomings.
- I questions his motives.
He doesn’t have a chance, poor guy.
Sisters, our husbands will never be able to meet all our needs all the time. They aren’t designed to. It’s not their job.
And when we put unrealistic expectations on them to be the “it-man”… we’re setting them up for failure and us up for disappointment.
Maybe you need to give your husband a break and instead take a look at yourself.
Sister… how is your relationship with God?
Are you connecting at a heart level with Him daily?
Are you pressing in when you find yourself struggling?
Are you seeking God’s wisdom and direction in your life?
You’ve heard that song by Plumb called God Shaped Hole? It’s reminding us that we all have a need built into us that only God can fill.
Food can’t.
Friends can’t.
Alcohol can’t.
Shopping can’t
And neither can our husbands.
The next time you begin to expect your husband to be everything you need (and then some)… check to see how your connection with God is.
It just might surprise you.
©2011 careyscotttalks.com
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wow…was this for me this morning? I am so touched how much God is trying to talk to my heart this days with your posts Carey! I am speechless at how much this thought relates to me this morning. May God bless you richly this morning as you bless others.
Aida… your sweet words have richly blessed and encouraged me, girl! Thank your for sharing them with me!
Such a great reminder – applies with all relationships; husbands, friends, children, family, etc…. Thank you for the reminder that it is our responsibility to bring ourselves to the Lord and allow Him to change us first and to meet our needs rather than seeking the Lord (or not) to change the other person. 🙂 Needed this! Thanks.
Jeanelle… you are so right! This can be applied to all relationships in our lives. When we start to expect others to save us rather than God… we get ourselves into trouble. Love you!
Ditto everything Aida said!
Went to bed last night thinking negative thoughts about my husband and I hate that. You hit the nail right on the head…it’s one indication of neglecting my relationship with Christ.
I just subscribed to your blog 🙂
Thanks for sharing your heart, Carey.
Amy
Amy… I love when God lovingly knocks us upside the head with the Truth that sets us free! Dang girl… happens to me all the time! I bless you in your marriage and in loving that man of yours! And thanks for subscribing!
You could not have stated this fact more perfectly! It is said that our souls were actually designed to search for God, so when we try to fill ourselves with anything other than Him, we will ultimately be left empty. This was the beginning of my marriage collapse. I looked to my husband to fulfill me, my every need and my every desire. When he could not do that, I felt that he failed me. I began to think I deserved “better”… oh, if I could go back in time. After discovering my husband’s affair, I finally let God fill that empty space within my heart and soul… how awesome it has been! God has taught me how to look to Him for fulfillment and how to love and forgive my husband unconditionally. It has been a tough journey but so worth it to discover the One, True God and how much He loves us! Thank you for this post today… an awesome reminder for every person!!!
Sometimes, we have to get to the end of us before we will allow God to be our all… because at that moment, He is all we have. I love the journey you shared. What a powerful testimony, girl! I bless you and your marriage and I am excited to see you continuing to walk it out. Be blessed, sweet friend!
I’m encouraged,learned i’ll foward this message to my wife for advice.be blessed.
Be blessed, Jackson!