Warning: I’m in a bad mood, so proceed carefully. 😉
I need to know that other moms struggle with getting their children to do homework, too. Please leave a comment and tell me that I am NOT the only one, because it might cause me to dive into a pint of ice cream which only offers short-term gratification and long-term cellulite.
It’s a big issue in our home. BIG. Now, it’s not the amount of homework from 3rd grade … it’s more the fact that he has homework at all. I’m not completely sure why it throws him into a tailspin. I mean…
- Sam is a smart kid.
- He has great grades.
- He enjoys school (that may be stretching it).
- Sam loves reading and math.
- He loves his teacher.
But more often than not, it is a mammoth struggle that results in yelling, spankings, groundings, and fights. Oh how I hate it for me and for him. And believe me when I tell you I’ve tried it all:
- Homework right after school
- Free time than homework
- Bribery
- Offers for long back scratches (he loves ’em)
- Extra time on the computer and/or video game
Bleh. It’s just a struggle right now. Wayne and I have tried to explain how important it is. How it’s vital to learning a good work ethic. We’ve shared how it’s just part of being in school and we have to follow these rules. Yadda, yadda, yadda…
But in the midst, you know what God revealed to me? That the fruit doesn’t fall far from the tree.
How annoying.
God reminded me that I responded the same way when He told me of things that I needed learn. Even though I knew what God wanted to change was necessary and good. Even though I knew they would benefit me in the long run. I bucked the system.
And it was a battle.
I was a controlling, rebellious, self-seeking, out for a good time, irresponsible, angry, wounded, dysfunctional woman who needed Jesus more than my next breath. And while I knew the right thing to do, I fought it.
I wonder what God is calling you to do that has you fighting back?
- Forgiving your husband and giving the marriage another chance?
- Accepting your children for who they are rather than trying to change them into what you want them to be?
- Giving up your agenda for His?
- Taking a hard look at a habit that’s turning into an addiction?
- Repenting of a sin that has complete control of your life?
Friends, I know it’s hard to do things His way sometimes!!! From our puny little eyes, it makes no sense!!! But God will bless our obedience. Let me back that up with scripture.
Hebrews 10:36-37 tells us “You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what he has promised.”
Galatians 6:9 says “Let us not become weary in doing good, for at the proper time we will reap a harvest if we do not give up.”
I have faith that our current homework situation will turn around soon. While Sam is a fighter, he’s also a smart kid and will eventually give up the stubbornness and embrace what’s best for him.
Will you?
©2011 careyscotttalks.com
Check out Sharon Silver’s “Start Reacting Start Responding” book. I have a post about it with a link in the post I wrote on my blog. Some tips are in there! http://MyHeartfeltHomeCreations.wordpress.com
Hoping you don’t have to struggle with homework problems for too long!
– Vanessa
Try setting a timer…set it for 15 minutes and if he finishes his work (what you set) in that time then he gets a 5 minute break doing something that is pleasurable to him. If he beats the timer than that is added to his break. Add small increments to get more done. Have a homework schedule set….snack, TV, homework…etc. good luck!!
So my son is in 5th grade and homework takes forever – this has been a battle for years. But what we have discovered is he accepts it now and is willing to work. He never complains and just accepts that it will take him a long time. I hope I can learn the same lesson about God’s timing – and accept the work God has in front of me for this season and no matter how long it takes I will do it until He has taught me what I need to learn! Thanks for letting me know we aren’t the only one’s with homework woe’s. 🙂
Oh how I needed this post a few years ago! We too struggled (Ok, really we almost killed each other) over homework when Haley was the same age!!! We ended up dividing the homework help between mom and dad. Helped a little.
Now that she’s in 7th grade we’ve told her there will be no fighting over it. She knows why it’s there – and if she chooses not to do it — good luck! (oh so hard to do!!)
Thanks for putting it into perspective!! So glad God lets me fight with him and glad he never gives up on me!
You Rock!
(I know that the homework struggle is mostly an illustration for what God’s teaching you, but as a teacher, it’s what I focused on… Grin.)
As Luke’s in PreK, I have not struggled with this as a mom (yet), but as a teacher I have heard this complaint over and over, almost word for word: “You don’t give him a LOT of homework, so why can’t he just DO it?”
For some kids, even (especially?) really well-behaved, smart kids, it takes so much physical and mental energy to keep it together all day at school and then that final bell rings and they can finally relax, only to go home and “do school” again. Even if it’s only for 30 minutes, it FEELS like torture for many of them.
We started “Homework Club” after school for thirty minutes. The students stay in “school mode,” get most of their work done (or for the older ones, get some of the smaller tasks out of the way), and go home and relax a bit.
Even if your school doesn’t have this option, is there a way that you can keep him in “school mode” to do his work? And then let him have most/ all of the evening to relax?
I don’t know if this is helpful at all, or even possible, but I know it’s worked for my students.
Love you to bits, thank you for the example of seeing God working in every area of your life, and listening for His voice at every opportunity.
Love.
Tell him you will bring him in for a “head soak”, as Sam calls it.
No, seriously…I had to keep track of the amount of time Kolton fought with me about doing homework and he would go to bed early by that amount every night. He got really sick of going to bed at 6:30 every night and it did improve; not go away but improve. Secretly, I loved it when he was in his room by 6:30, I had a nice quiet evening. I wish I could offer better encouragement. We still go to blows often. I am counting down to summer break and NO homework.
you’re an awesome mom. the perfect one for sweet Sam. love watching you be real with your family. rock on sister.
Oh my, my, I know from first hand experience how SMART and wonderful Sam is and what a delight it was to be his kindergarten teacher. You and Wayne are wonderful parents and are an inspiration to many. This is the plan….Do not mention homework but one time. Tell him how wonderful he is and how smart he is and that you are there to help him with homework if he asks. Now you are going to have to bite your tongue and eat candy and pray and maybe a little vodka to not say anything else. The first week he is going to say nothing about homework. You see it is very easy to make his homework your homework-no,no,no don’t mention it. You are a fabulous parent and trying to make him do homework just causes family fits. Your tax dollars pay teachers to take care of this and I promise you when you tell his teacher your plan she or he will be delighted. Ten years from now none of this will make a difference. You see I worried about my daughter’s homework, and had myself and her in an absolute fuss. God sent me to a class and I never mentioned homework again. Sometimes she would have gotten better grades if she had put out more effort but we are for the most part successful adults and it isn’t about homework. I have an issue with homework– if it is busy work, if it is not at the child’s grade level and if I had to end up doing it to get the job done . Yes I really did that sometimes. Just a thought as I know Sam will be ever so fine. The BEST of the BEST.. Love you, Janet
Janet… thank you for weighing in on this! Great, wise, loving, been-there-done-that… words. I actually greatly appreciate all of the advice and suggestions!!! I guess the bottom line is that I must trust God IN my children’s journeys. He loves so much more than I am capable of doing. Thanks to everyone for your support and encouragement!
Carey,
One more thought – third grade is the turning point for all kids with homework and school. There is shift from primary to intermediate level learning and it is hard for many kids. It nearly killed Scott, me and both Charlie and Sam. Now I can look forward to the shift when Max gets there… Things are certainly not easy now with the older boys, but they “get it” and they see the payoff themselves when they work hard.
Thank you for sharing God’s perspective with our lifes homework – always such good insight you have. You are a conduit lady. Hugs!
Denise, appreciate your encouragement on many levels!!