Are you raising your kids to be… perfect?
Are you teaching them that mistakes are… unforgivable?
Are your kids scared to tell you when they… mess up?
When they miss the mark, does their offense carry a great… penalty?
Be careful.
Our job as parents isn’t to raise perfect people.
It’s to teach and train our kids to be respectful, compassionate, caring, mindful, engaging, healthy, Godly, and honest adults.
Raising a “perfectionist” is a dangerous game.
Why?
Because in their minds, they will never be good enough. And on top of that, nothing will ever be good enough for them.
That breeds discontentment.
Discontentment leads to a lifelong pursuit of a happiness they will never attain… or sustain.
I want my kids to know that everyone and everything in life is imperfect.
I want them to have realistic expectations of themselves and others. I want them to know that true happiness isn’t something the world can (or should) give them.
Do I expect honest effort?
Yes!
Do I ask them to go the extra mile in certain areas?
Most definitely.
Do I promote or allow the easy way out or laziness?
No way.
Do we set goals and push our kids from their comfort zones?
Of course.
Do my kids receive rewards and consequences accordingly?
Without a doubt.
But… my husband and I are very intentional in making our family a place for grace, acceptance and forgiveness.
We are okay with messing up.
We want our kids to fail while under our roof so we can walk them through it, teaching them that failure is just a part of life and not the end of the world.
They need to know it doesn’t define them.
We want them to understand that true happiness … true identity… true acceptance can only be found in a relationship with Jesus Christ.
Not in the world.
They need to know that while the world will never be happy with…
- who they are,
- what they look like,
- the amount of money they make,
- the career they choose,
- the friends they keep…
God will.
God is.
And because God is happy with them, our kids can be happy with themselves… too.
They can adopt a healthy self-esteem that has nothing to do with the world’s standard of… perfection.
The goal being that our children will see themselves as God sees them.
“I will give thanks to you because I have been so amazingly and miraculously made. Your works are miraculous, and my soul is fully aware of this.” Psalms 139:14
Sisters, teaching our kids to be perfect sets them up to struggle in life.
As parents trying to raise Godly kids… be careful not to teach it, model it, or expect it.
Instead… let’s purpose to impart grace, acceptance, and love.
Always.
†††
REALITY CHECK: When you expect your kids to be perfect, you’re setting them up to fail.
©2012 careyscotttalks.com
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Amen! Amen! This is a really good post Carey. And an aching reminder of how many people put their children through the pursuit of worldly perfection. None of us, adult or child, need to do this.
I have a story to relate that I think may be of interest to some of your readers. Both my husband and I farm, we train horses and dogs. We also work in fields of research and development. Neither of us are encouraged or paid to seek perfection. R&D needs mistakes, it needs wrong directions and course corrections or we don’t learn anything. We don’t learn the how or the why, the where and where not.
It is hard for many people to make mistakes, our society and culture condemns them. But if we are to grow we need to find our way through making mistakes. Through asking question after question and seeking answers. Job is a great example of this. His friends sought a place to blame, he sought an answer. God gave both him and his friends answers they did not expect. But they are answers that speak to my heart.
I pray, today, for those who struggle with perfection. I do sometimes (lots it seems in some areas) and it hurts not only us but those around us. I have gotten good at making sure my flaws and mistakes are not very visible but when God has work for me to do those are the very things He brings out, to show His glory and grace.
Sorry this is so long, but you really struck a chord with me today!
Bless you my friend.
Yes, and for those kids who are naturally bent towards perfectionism, parents can help them see that “it’s okay”, even though they will probably battle that battle their whole life in one way or another! At least having a solid foundation externally can ease the path and make sure there are soft places to land.
Amen! My dh is a perfectionist and when he asks me why I still like him in his inperfection I tell him, “there are no perfect men out there. The only one who was isn’t available for me to marry (in the human sense), so I still pick you!”
What an impossibly heavy burden to bear.
“They need to know that while the world will never be happy with…
who they are,
what they look like,
the amount of money they make,
the career they choose,
the friends they keep… God will. God is.”
Thank you, thank you, thank you, God!!!