I wanted to let her have it.
Seriously.
It’s been such a long time since I’ve wanted to lash out the way I did the other night. And to be honest, I had good reason to.
This person hit me where it hurts.
In my honest attempt to reach out in love and sympathy, she responded with anger and bitterness. So much so, that my initial response was to dish it right back at her… and then some.
I can be so nasty in my own flesh. You, too?
Out of surprise and hurt, I crafted an email even I’d hate to get from someone. It was a doozie. It would have stung. Oh, it felt good to say those things.
But I deleted it.
And then I wrote another email which was a little less snarky… a little less biting… a little less judgmental, but had the same “sting” to it.
I erased that one, too.
Finally, I took a deep breath… put on my big girl panties… and wrote words from my heart rather than words from my hurt.
I hit the send button.
And then… Ka-pow! Her response to my grace-filled, laced-with-love, carefully hand-crafted letter slapped me upside the head.
Friends, have you ever tried to do the right thing and it backfired on you?
Wowzers.
For the longest time I sat and stared at her response, and the anger crept back in… ten-fold.
Everything in me wanted to use my words as weapons.
I could have, you know. I’ve done it before. Sometimes, I still do.
*sigh*
As much as my flesh wants to verbally lash out at times, I know God wants me to use my words to encourage and teach. He has called me to speak truth and challenge women to be real and authentic. He’s given me the ability to speak words of life into women.
My words carry power… they carry an assignment… and the Enemy knows it.
His plan is quite simple. The Enemy wants my words to inflict damage. Since he cannot shut me up, he wants my mouth to get me into trouble.
I’m learning to be a responsible word user.
And the best way to do that, is to respond in the opposite spirit whenever possible. It looks like this:
- When someone curses me… I should bless them.
- When someone spreads rumors about me… I need to pray for them.
- When I’m provoked and taunted to lash out… I just don’t.
Easy to do? Nope.
Fulfilling? Not at first.
But when we do, it speaks volumes.
You know what, sisters? Your words are powerful, too.
They have the ability to calm and heal and soothe. You can choose to speak life or speak death into others. You can show grace or inflict pain.
Make no mistake. Our words are weapons.
Proverbs 12:18 (GWT) tells us exactly that. It reads… “Some people make cutting remarks, but the words of the wise bring healing.”
Did you catch that? Our words can heal.
What about those times we intend our words to heal, but they aren’t received in that manner? Or when we craft our conversations to breathe life, but they don’t? Or when we have honest and caring intentions, but they fall short?
We have to trust that God will use our spoken words for His purpose at the right time.
Friends… whenever we get the chance, we should be wise and use our words as weapons for peace and healing… not for destruction and pain.
How are you doing with that?
©2011 careyscotttalks.com
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I have my days just like this one! And in fact, on Monday, my blog post was about this very issue..well, sort of…about not being able to put words back in once they are out. It is so hard to keep a tight rein on your tongue and so easy to let those hurtful words fly. God is still teaching me too!
faceintheclouds… I’m pretty sure reining in the tongue is so part of the human condition, we’ll won’t be completely cured of it this side of heaven. Dang it, eh? Thanks for stopping by today!
Right on!!
Wow! In less than 24 hours I have had a similar message presented to me THREE times!!! That’s a big sit-up-and-pay-attention!!!!! I’m getting it!! And God just gave me a VERY specific area where he wants me to apply this lesson!! Thanks for being a faithful messenger!! And remind me to NEVER tick you off!!!! :0)
Train, ah… those consistent, persistent messages. God is so gracious to provide gentle reminders to us. I’m grateful He cares enough to continue to catch my attention. Love you, girlie!
Lovely post. I tend to write those angry emails- but have learned to hit send- to me, not to the person I am angry with.
By the time I have prayed and calmed down, I can write more like Christ. (Most of the time:)
Vicki… it is a choice. I love that you send those emails to you. Brilliant.
Amazing how God requires us to make a choice – our gain or His! SO hard in the moment. But even when the person does not delight in our “christ-filled email” oh how I can picture the Lord standing with a smile and clapping. To be at a place where His approval and desires out vote my flesh – desperate for that to be my first reaction! Thank you for calling us higher in our thinking!
I’m with you, Jeanelle! I want it to be my FIRST reaction, too. How wonderful would that be? 🙂
It takes time to have the patience, understanding, and truly the heart to withstand the onslaught of the enemy and even a loved one at times. We are on the path to perfection and it takes staying close to the Father to make it. We are a work in progress. If we will start by seeing others as His children and remember that He is watching how we treat His children we can overcome our flesh. When we are weak He is strong! Thank you Carey!
Dave, thank you for overlooking the panties and sister comments to see my heart and message in the post. I appreciate your comment about needing to “stay close to the Father to make it.” So true! Wise words! Only with Him can we see others through His eyes and not ours. Be blessed, brother!
oh my, this has been me, so many times. i loved this post, you are speaking my own heart. it feels so good now (from this distance) when i look back on situations like this and am so thankful i refrained. my flesh wanted to get ugly….and i turned it over to God instead…and it has never failed me. writing the first 2 flesh drafts were wise and cathartic. deleting them was hard, but doing the right thing, saying the right thing, that is something we will never regret. xo love your blog, a new fan here sistah!
Shelbi… cathartic is the perfect word! YES! I needed those words to come out, just not to this person. So glad we’ve connected! I look forward to getting to know you better!!
i love your point that since you have been gifted in your use of words, the Enemy would love nothing more than to use this area to cause you to fail in a big way. i can identify with the struggles you mentioned.
knowing we are living for an audience of One is so helpful when we have to make those personal decisions to either send or delete an email, give life or heal when we are making a comment.
Only God is aware of our true motives. He can redeem our failures, but He builds our character when we live in obedience to His call. hang in there girl! i’m with you in the struggle. it seems to be ongoing!
Hi Martha! Great comment… “Only God is aware of our true motives.” So, so, so true!
This is a great post. If only I could remember ALL the time that my words are for the glory of God and not myself. My favorite book on this subject is War of Words: Getting to the Heart of Your Communication Struggles, by Paul Tripp.
What is it about those of us who can use our words for His glory and His grace are so pulled to light a flame when there is fuel poured? This has been a life-long battle for me… open mouth and insert foot! The longer I serve the Lord the greater His grace abounds, but I tell you there are those days when fire and brimstone can come seething from the same mouth that can give up praise and adoration. I am so grateful for His mercy, and for the work of of James 1:19 in my life! Thanks for the post!