Today is Friday With Friends! Each Friday for the next few months, I’m going to introduce you to some of my favorite writers. Each has their own style, and all are worth your read.
Meet my sweet husband, Wayne. I love that he writes for my blog from time to time. It’s nice to have some testosterone on Let’s Get Real. He’s gifted with words, has great wisdom, and strives to be the best husband and father he can be. In this post, Wayne gives us girls some insight into our husbands. Who doesn’t want that?
There is a monster out there, and it’s after your husband.
This is no Halloween horror story, this is real. It’s a monster that lives in plain sight, but remains unseen. A monster that, if not recognized for what it is, can steal not only your husband’s heart, but his very identity.
It’s your husband’s job.
- My identity at work is very different from who I am at home with my family.
- The skills and talents that are rewarded in the office are not the same ones that are valued by my wife and kids.
- My role in a corporation is not as critical as my roles as husband to my wife and father to my children, nor is it remotely as important as that of servant to my Heavenly Father.
It’s the same for your husband.
But we don’t always get it right.
Baseball player Al Gallagher once said “There are three things in my life which I really love: God, my family, and baseball. The only problem – once baseball season starts, I change the order around a bit.”
As a Dodger fan it pains me to say anything nice about Mr. Gallagher, who played for the San Francisco Giants (if you don’t understand this, ask your husband; he’ll be giddy that you’re asking him a sports question – but will never admit that he is capable of “giddy”) but he makes a great point here; it isn’t just about having the right priorities; it’s keeping them in the right order.
And that’s a lot harder than you might think.
We live in a culture where hard work is praised, rewarded, celebrated. We men can get caught up in who we are at work, get wrapped up in the challenge of the job, the exhilaration of competition. It can cause us to be late for dinner or miss a parent-teacher conference. We spend more time working, and have less of it to give to our wives and children. And we rationalize that we’re doing it to provide a better life for the very people we’re short-changing.
When this happens, instead of thinking of ourselves as a child of God, a husband, or a father, we identify ourselves as clerk, manager, or VP.
Our identities aren’t so much stolen as they are sold for a few dollars more.
So, what can you do to help keep your husband from falling victim to his job?
I can’t tell you what will work for your husband, I can only share what works for me and my family. Hopefully these suggestions will help you come up with a strategy that fits your family’s needs.
- We make sure we live within our means, keep our bills paid, discuss and plan our big purchases, and don’t put ourselves in a situation where we’ll be in financial trouble if I don’t get a raise. That way, I don’t feel the added pressure to climb the ladder and risk not being there for my family – physically or mentally.
- My wife is terrific about giving me words of affirmation – and while sometimes they are about something I’ve done at work, more often than not they relate to who I am at home. This helps reinforce the importance of just being with my family.
- We are protective of our time together – both as a couple and as a family. If I do need to bring work home, I make sure that I do it during hours that minimize the impact on my family – usually after the kids go to bed.
- If extra hours are going to be needed at the office because of a big project, I try to let Carey know well in advance. Setting her expectations up front helps avoid disappointment and resentment.
- As a family, we are very deliberate in making God a part of our lives throughout the day, every day. Giving Him the glory reminds me that my success at work is because of Him, not because of how many hours I work.
Ladies, I hope this has helped give you some insight into how your husbands’ priorities can get out of order, and how the two of you can work together to keep that from happening.
Trust me… It isn’t easy.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to wrap this up – I’ve got a project due at the office.
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