SURRENDERED WIFE: We Need Our Girlfriends

Writing this blog series has been quite an experience.

Not only has the response from you been overwhelming… but just a few days ago, Laura Doyle – the New York Times best-selling author of The Surrendered Wife – commented on my blog.  What an honor that was for me!  And she was so gracious and encouraging.

You know what, sisters?  I think we are on to something here.

It seems we are ready for better marriages.

• We desire stronger, less passive husbands.
• We’re craving deeper intimacy.
• We are exhausted from doing it all.

And we’re ready to look at the part we’ve played in tipping our marriage out of balance.

I admire you for that.

Over the past few weeks…

We’ve looked at why we need to surrender.

We have discussed how important it is to respect our husbands.

We’ve talked about the negative effect of our controlling nature.

We have determined that this is a heart issue.

We’ve heard from a man’s perspective.

But we can’t continue on this journey until we recognize an amazing God-given resource vital to our success.

Our girlfriends.

To be honest, I cannot imagine this voyage without them.

They support… give perspective… wipe tears… hug necks… speak life.

And I’m experiencing just how important it is that we intentionally link arms with them, because the road to surrender requires their encouragement.

At least it does for me.  You, too?

Last night, I had dinner with a dear friend.

It was free therapy.

We spent three hours talking through challenges and struggles each were facing.  We shared the cool stuff God was doing in our marriages.  We also talked about times we wanted to throttle our husbands.

I shared how hard it was … being capable, independent and quick to make decisions … to surrender in my marriage.  She applauded my small victories and challenged me to stay the course in the areas I was still clinging to with all my might.

Anyone else… clinging?

And after my temper tantrum and pity party… she sweetly reminded me how being a Godly wife is His perfect design for marriage.

It was the shot in the arm I needed to stay in the game.

Her listening ear and encouraging words rejuvenated my resolve.

It didn’t negate the fact, however, that sometimes I want to scream and throw things. There are moments I want to go back to the old roles and patterns because they’re comfortable and familiar.

But last night with my friend was a divine appointment.

And just last week, I spent time with my sister. 

She helped me look at things from a different angle.

She affirmed and encouraged me. 

We identified some unrealistic expectations.

She called me out on unhealthy thought patterns.

She let me vent… unfiltered.

Rather than unleash these frustrations on my husband, I shared them with my sister.

This is why girlfriends are so important.

You see… as wonderful as our husbands are, and as much as we want them to be our everything, they… just… aren’t.

God didn’t design them to be.

Our husbands have emotional limits… God bless ‘em.

In my marriage, I have a certain amount of time to determine the “game plan” when discussing things with Wayne. When time runs out with no conclusion, he will say something like… “Maybe you need to call your friend about this.”

Translation:  I want to fix. You want to talk.

But girlfriends are different.

• They will ruminate on a specific topic for hours with you.
• They’ll encourage you to keep learning your role as a Godly wife.
• They “get” you because they are on the same journey.
• They offer a 3^rd party perspective.
• They point you to God.

We need each other to walk this surrender journey.

We need a trustworthy ear that will allow us to vent when we need to.  We need someone who will allow us to dish, without changing their opinion of us… or our husbands.

We need a friend who will give us the boost we need to keep on our charted course.

That’s why God gave us girlfriends.

When I get aggravated, I just need to get it out… sometimes in a bit of a dramatic fashion.  I have to chew on those emotions – out loud – to feel better.

Can you relate to this?

But when my irritation is towards my husband, he’s not the one who needs to hear this unfiltered rant because he’ll immediately become defensive.  It will end… badly.

Why?

Because I’m just letting off a little steam, and allowing him to be on the receiving end will not benefit our marriage.

What I need is to get it out of my system with someone who isn’t the center of my frustration… and one that can give me perspective.

That’s a girlfriend’s job.

†††

REALITY CHECK:  Find a trusted friend or two and let them be your sounding board.  

†††

©2013 Carey Scott

Check out my “Who God is to Me” – alphabet of God printable!  Free thru February!

Let’s Connect!  Follow me on Twitter… Pin with me on Pinterest… Book Me to speak at your event… Like my Facebook Ministry Page.