NEW BLOG SERIES: The Tangle of Perfectionism

PERFECTIONISM:  The rigorous rejection of anything less than perfect.

I was so cranky towards my husband. He had been texting me more than usual that day, and it was driving me nuts.

I’m the introvert — the one who tends to under-communicate. So sometimes Wayne’s desire to share so much with me tests my patience. And I didn’t respond very nicely.

And while everyone has those cranky moment, I felt so guilty because I want to be known for being a wife wonderful all the time. Um… right.

Chances are you have you own battle with wanting to be… perfect. 

This new blog series will help us better understand the tangle of perfectionism… and how it keeps us knotted up in the “I’m-not-good-enoughs” messages in life.

Truth is, this is an equal opportunity tangle. It affects everyone in one way or another… in one area or another.

It’s a tangle that weaves us together as women.

So many of us spend our lives striving for our own perfection. And too often, we can also expect it in others.

This tangle keeps us on the performance treadmill trying to be good enough, and we’re spending countless hours and dollars trying to have…

~ the perfect home…

~ the perfect body…

~ the perfect children…

~ the perfect marriage…

~ the perfect walk with Christ…

~ the perfect perspective…

~ the perfect lasagna…

~ the perfect ________  (fill in your own).

And because we’re so busy trying to be a big bowl of awesomesauce, we work overtime to hide our failures… and our shortcomings… and our flaws.

We don’t want our imperfections to show, so we keep tucking them back into those hidden places.

Why?

Because we’re desperate to be loved. We want to be accepted. We want to know that we’re “all-that”. We want to fit in.

And even more, perfection becomes a way to measure our self-worth.

This is a nasty tangle, indeed.

We forget that while earthly love and approval is conditional, God’s never is. He loves us for who we are — for how He created us. He proudly designed every detail of… you.  And the Creator of the world thinks you are wonderful.

He always has.

He always will.

But apparently… that’s not enough for us.

Instead of allowing that truth to untangle us — rather than believing there’s nothing we can be or do to be loved by God more… we strive to be better.

~ So we starve ourselves to be thinner.

~ We overspend to feel superior.

~ We lie to look less messy.

~ We volunteer to feel important.

~ We nip and tuck to look younger.

~ We wear a smile to appear happy.

We want our lives and our person to look perfect. And it’s left us … exhausted.

Now I’m not suggesting that setting goals or trying to improve in life is a bad thing. We weren’t designed to be complacent and passive. But the problem comes when we find ourselves striving for something that is not humanly possible to attain — or sustain.

We get into trouble when we let those worldly expectations become measurements of our self-worth.

When we decide the only way we’ll be loved by others (or loved by ourselves) is to be perfect, the tangle of “not good enough” will knot us up real good.

We’ll become tangled in perfectionism.

And you know what else? We’ll stop focusing on God and start obsessing about ourselves.

Did you ever stop to think that perfectionism is actually a form of selfishness?

We’re going to spend the rest of June unpacking the tangle of perfectionism — the one that reminds us we’re just not good enough the way we are.

Haven’t we bought into that lie long enough? 

So let’s ask God to loosen the knot so we can finally love how He created us. 💙

Michael J. Fox sums it up… “I am careful not to confuse excellence with perfection. Excellence, I can reach for; perfection is God’s business.”

Join the Untangled Women community and continue the discussion!

©2015 Carey Scott