Sometimes we try to be perfect to silence the not good enough messages we believe.
I tend to wear my emotions on my sleeve and this time was no different. While sitting at a dinner party, my husband revealed something about me that I had hoped would stay hidden.
It made me so angry… and everyone knew it.
The women in this group are amazing bakers and cooks. Brilliant. They enjoy the experience of crafting amazing meals. But, I do not.
As a matter of fact, I’m pretty sure that gene is completely missing from my DNA.
So when they asked me to bring a dessert, I began to stress.
After lamenting over what to do, I purchased a box mix and made a cake. No way would I risk baking from scratch, and a bakery-bought dessert would be easily detected. My hope was that conversation would be so thick that no one would think to comment on the cake.
But then she asked the question…
“How much oil do you use to make it so moist?”
Are you kidding me?
Before I could answer with “family secret” — the phrase I practiced if any such question should arise — my husband responded.
“It’s from a box mix! Isn’t it good?”
Sweet mother. If looks could kill, they might have. I’d been found out. And my man knew he was in the dog house.
Sometimes we try so hard to look like we have it all together, don’t we? We create an illusion of perfection, enviable by others.
We go to extraordinary efforts to make ourselves look better than we may be. And it’s a prideful way to pacify our feelings of worthlessness. We try to look like…
~ the perfect wife
~ the patience mom
~ the most devout believer
~ the attentive daughter
~ the prize employee
~ and yes, even a culinary genius.
But when we do, it actually insulates us from others. It says, “You’re not as good as me.” And while that may not be the message you’re trying to send, it triggers those not good enough feelings in her.
Listen, we all feel inferior. Some days more than others. Some seasons more than others. But we all battle it. You. Me. Her.
And in our effort to feel accepted by or approved of, we try to look like we’re all that and a made-from-scratch dessert. We forget though, that our insecurity can spark her insecurity.
Oh, it’s a tangled web of timidity we can weave in our lives.
And just like Wayne exposed my box mix secret, making me fess up to the yummy lemon lie… God sometimes exposes our struggles and challenges so we can become more authentic in our walk with Him.
He begins to replace the not good enoughs with His truth of who we really are.
We begin to see ourselves through His eyes.
And we realize we don’t have to be perfect to be loved.
Then right when we need His message to be louder than the world’s, God whispers….
If you’re struggling to believe it, tell Him. Because He is the only One who can give us the courage to be ourselves.
What not good enough messages are you battling?
©2014 Carey Scott
Carey! I LOVED this post. I have been dealing with this issue quite frequently here of late. And God has been prodding me to stop insulating myself from others when this happens but to let the moment become an opportunity to be real, truthful and to seek support all of which allow me to connect more with others. I am an introvert and I tend to isolate myself. This issue has actually proven to help me in this area as I become more open with others, more people are more drawn to me and I can begin building more authentic relationships. Funny how God uses things in a way we would never expect!
Oh girl, I am an introvert too. And it’s so easy for me to hide when my insecurities flare up. God is the key to our self-worth, isn’t He? Thanks for sharing your heart!
Trying to feel good enough but it’s hard when you’re getting feedback that says you’re not — from people who don’t understand what you’re struggling through. I’ve got enough to deal with than be exhausted by negative feedback from extended family for my choices and the choices I help make for my family … religion, homeschooling, health… God is my refuge. I just have to keep remembering to reach for him!
God is our refuge. So true. When it seems the world is against us, He is always for us. Stand strong, sister… and rest in His approval.
I would have purchased it at the store already made so the fact you even used a box, sounds like scratch to me. Thanks for this Carey–we ARE good enough…box mix, store bought or from scratch! We are enough.
Amen, Beth. It’s time we choose to believe it, right? Thanks for stopping by!
You know I’ve had this up on my computer since you posted it. And read it. And read it. And girl you hit it straight on. I struggle with this. Finding the balance between what the world thinks is a ‘good Mom’ and what God teaches is good parenting, being a good wife for him not for my ego. UGH. A struggle worth every effort to step away from. Thanks for encouraging me and blessing me with your words.
Shanyn… balancing life between the two world (earthly and Kingdom) is sooooo tricky. Sometimes they align and other times collide. What I love about you is your intentionality. You are the perfect mom and wife for your boys. Rock on, girl!