She asked nothing about me.
Not. One. Thing.
We were partnered up for this thang – a good 8 hours of togetherness – and she never asked anything about me or my life.
… She doesn’t know how hard my marriage was those first 7 years, how God restored it in a miraculous way, that we’re about to celebrate our 16th wedding anniversary, and that we truly adore each other (most of the time).
… She doesn’t know the challenges I’ve faced in raising kids or how insanely-crazy I am about Sam and Sara.
… She has no idea that I’ve been in ministry for 10+ years – writing, speaking and life coaching.
… She doesn’t know about my past or what gets my blood pumping or the struggles I’ve overcome.
… She doesn’t know any of my favorites – food, color, holiday, store, show, type of music, or how I like my coffee.
… She has no idea I’m having surgery in November to repair the meniscus in both of my knees – even though she saw me wince and take Advil from standing too long.
And we were together for 8 hours.
While I dug around in our conversation, asking questions in an effort to learn more about this woman… while we really had some great conversation, laughing as we talked about a million different things… she never showed one ounce of interest in knowing me.
As women, we have this innate desire to be seen. We want to be known. Few things thrill our heart more than when someone takes the time to learn about what makes us…well… us.
The truth is, we want to know we’re worth knowing.
But in a world that’s becoming ridiculously self-absorbed and self-promoting, we’ve learned to keep who we are or what we’re struggling with hidden for fear that we actually aren’t worth knowing. And because of it, we rarely share unless asked… and we leave conversations feeling empty.
And the Enemy of our soul loves it. It’s been his plan all along.
What if we decided to be different? What if we chose to be women who took a genuine interest in others? What if we were intentional to turn the conversation from us… to another?
Oh what it does to a heart to know it’s worthy of being known.
Because honestly… if we don’t ask, she may never tell. And we grow acquaintances into meaningful friendships by learning about each other.
Community is so vital to our health. And friendships are what keep us afloat when the waters of life threaten to pull us under.
They bring perspective. Offer wisdom. Give encouragement. Point our eyes towards God. Buy our pumpkin-spice latte (just sayin’). Speak truth. Remind us of who we are. Smile when our crazy shows. Celebrate our quirky-ness. Show up when we need them. Know our struggles. Remember our favorites. Challenge our negatives.
They love you even when you’re messy… or broken… or riddled with insecurity. And join you on the journey to healing and restoration.
That kind of friendships grows when you make the effort to know her better… and she makes the effort to know you right back.
And it becomes something beautiful.
©2015 Carey Scott
Thank you for seeing me and taking the time to know what is in my heart the other night. Your words explained a lot of what I have been feeling – “But in a world that’s becoming ridiculously self-absorbed and self-promoting, we’ve learned to keep who we are or what we’re struggling with hidden for fear that we actually aren’t worth knowing. And because of it, we rarely share unless asked… and we leave conversations feeling empty.” This brings such clarity to my mind and heart – fabulous post. Thank you!!
This is really great!!!
“Commmunity is vital to our health. And friendships are what keep us afloat when the waters of life threaten to pulll us under.
They bring us perspective. Offer wisdom. Give encouragement. Point our eyes towards God.”
Great post Carey! Thanks for sharing!
Beautifully written, Carey! Thank you for your insights and being real.
WOW!! Was that good!! Such true words…… it is the enemy’s plan to rob us of our worth!!! Our world is so self promoting…. it’s all about ME!!! Thank you for the reminder that it’s all about HIM and others!!! Your blog is such an inspiration!
Thank you, Tassie!
So very timely. Made me cry. I often feel invisible. And if they do see me when they find out I’m not married without kids (neither by choice) the “conversation” ends. They talk about themselves for the test if the time. It’s up to me to share anything about myself. I’m actually fine with them sharing, to a point, because i want to get to know others. But when they very clearly don’t want to get to know me, it hurts. Happens in dating too. I have to volunteer info about me because I’m usually not asked but they’ll talk for hours about themselves. Of course this forces me to depend soley on God and i desire that greatly. But we need people with skin on too….especially when you need that long hug in times of hurt or dispair, or a hand to hold in times of fear. We need each other. I hate admitting to wanting to be seen and known…it feels selfish to me. But I’m working on it.
Big ((hug)) ….