Today, Linda Tang is guest posting on my blog and is also my guest on Moms Together. Her core message is identity, especially when it concerns the transition from career to motherhood. Oh how we need God to remind us who we are… and… who we are not.
Welcome, Linda!
Having left my career to step into my role as “mom”… I had a nagging question hovering like a helicopter.
It wasn’t which mommy group to join, or how to get my baby to sleep through the night. The question was…
Who am I? Where did I go?
I was so grateful for God blessing me with children, but deep inside… I still wanted to hang on to my career.
If you’ve ever thrown a pity party around the loss of your identity… welcome. Honestly, I became the perfect hostess for this kind of gathering… but it’s a party that I realized wasn’t really worth attending.
Hebrews 12:1 says: “Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles and let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us. Let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith.”
The race marked out for us is not a race that happens haphazardly or by our own doing. You see, God is in control of where we are heading. Your course – my course – is God’s path and purposeful direction for us. And on that path, He constructs and builds our identity based on His perspective and principles for our lives… even within our “mommy” roles.
Our jobs, talents and passions have everything to do with who we are, but they do not define who we are. This was a big distinction that I needed to learn!
Maybe you, too?
I’d made the mistake of thinking that my career gave life to my identity… and so when the career was gone, I felt gone.
What I really needed was to look to God for the identity that I thought had been lost.
But God had me, and over time and through the process of parenting, He has revealed to me who I am in very unexpected ways.
The gifts and talents I sorely missed using were still there! They were just being channeled in different ways. How?
- Through creative interplay with my children
- By volunteering in my children’s classrooms each week
- By putting my PR skills to use in their school (God led us to a wonderful parent-participation magnet school)
- Through leadership at BSF (Bible Study Fellowship)
- By taking my writing in a new direction
God showed me that my identity didn’t disappear… He just re-defined and re-positioned it.
The same is true for you.
So if you are a guest at the identity-loss party, may I suggest a few ways to exit?
1) Pray and ask God to show you the kind of woman/mom He is molding you to become (my guess is it is somewhere in the ballpark of His likeness.)
While you are in the process of shaping your children and influencing the person they will become, God is in the process of shaping you. It’s an effective trickle-down theory! “Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.” (Proverbs 31:30)
2) Journal your struggles. Whether the challenges are personality traits that you want to see refined or passions you want to pursue… get them down on paper where your handwriting gives voice and life to those desires.
3) Consider your passions. If you are no longer doing what you love, is there space in your life to pursue your interests in some other capacity (i.e., Church, a particular ministry, part-time job opportunity)? Maybe at school/volunteering or an at-home business/consulting situation?
God designed you and your strengths…so pray over them and for His timing in opening doors and presenting you with opportunities to use them. “Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart.” (Psalm 37:4)
When we put God first and spend time in His presence, our desires align with His desires for us.
4) Recognize that you are where you are supposed to be right now, but also anticipate what God has for you this day. God has called you to where you are now, and your identity is not rooted in a role or position… but in child of God.
That title can mean a lot of different things that we don’t always consider. We often put ourselves, our time and talents into a box. But God is not an in-the-box kind of God. So be open to His guidance, and the doors right in front of you that you’ve not yet considered. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart.” (Jeremiah 29:11-13)
And remember, you have an identity and path that is uniquely yours. And your identity has everything to do with how God is shaping and molding you on your mom-journey.
So when we look to Him for guidance… truth… value… and meaning, we’ll no longer find ourselves at the “identity-loss” party. Instead, we will be at the party with the One who celebrates who He created us to be.
And that’s a party that shouldn’t be missed.
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©2013 Carey Scott, Linda Tang
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Oh, how I needed this! After 10 yrs of marriage and 9 yrs of being a mom, I still find myself struggling with this!
Dianne… I’m glad you stopped by today! I pray that God speaks your value and worth through Linda’s words. 🙂
Diane, no matter how many years of marriage and motherhood we have under our belts, I think we all struggle with this to a degree…thank you for your honesty and openness. I think so much of this is day-by-day with God…He has so much to show us each hour and in so many unexpected ways. I am not sure we can take our identity and wrap it up in a nice, neat package with a summary. So much of who we are is found in the minutes of living. Who am I when I am feeding my kids breakfast and rushing out the door? Am I funny and lighthearted or serious and tense? Who am I when I am relating to those who God has put on my path–am I complaining or have a spirit of encouragement? All the minutes and interactions count when it comes to who we are (including how we relate to our husbands at the end of the day!) God is in us through the details and His is a great identity we can anchor in.
I struggle with this having children ages 19, 13 & 7!! I have had a lot of family problems lately so I have questioned many things especially who I am and where I should be. Prayer definitely helps. I think I will journal more. I used to do that and I got out of it being so “busy.” Thanks for the topic!!
Jennifer… I’m glad that Linda’s words sparked you to remember the benefit of journaling. I call it blogging! 🙂 And it helps so much to get those thoughts out of my head. I bet it will for you, too!
So natural to question those things that come up in the scope of what we are doing, Jennifer! And so easy to question who we are and where we are suppose to be. I think it’s fair to say that you are where you are suppose to be even if at times it doesn’t quite feel that way. You are mothering which is SO vital in the lives of your beautiful children. Prayer, as you mentioned, is so helpful as I think when we submit and ask God to show us His way, He does. Sometimes, that might mean things stay status quo for a bit, but that’s a place He may want you in. I think we often trivialize that place or feel frustrated with what it looks like. In any event, thanks for reading and I pray you find connection with your journaling between you and your feelings and the Lord. 🙂
I love this!!! I have always been so consumed with the motherhood journey, that I didn’t even think twice about losing my career identity, because my kids were so sick and I was truly a mess of a mom! God constantly reveals my new role and all the blessings and growth that comes with it. Motherhood is a season of new and exciting paths God leads us on… to not only use what we had, but create more in who we are.
That’s so right, Chris! Motherhood is such a journey of discovery, and God even uses it to heal some of our woundings. He just uses it all for our benefit and His glory!
Maybe it’s good that you didn’t think twice, Chris! Isn’t God so good how He faithfully reveals our new roles? So true, motherhood is a season of newness in our being and our direction…to your point, we only become more of who we are in the process. Thx for sharing!