My daughter sent me a text from school the other day.
“Mom, I can’t believe how mean “she” is being. She’s mad at me, and is making my life miserable. And I thought we were good friends. Can you please come pick me up? I feel all alone and worthless. ”
Oh my gosh.
Everything in me wanted to jump in my car and go get my wounded 12-year-old. I wanted to hug her, remind her how valuable she is, and then while she sits in the car with some chocolate… go have a conversation with her friend.
Girls, why do we treat each other this way? Even in our adult life, why are we careless with the heart of other women?
My daughter’s message tightened a tangle inside me that God is still working on. Obviously.
I gave her all the good-momma advice I had. I told her I was praying. I shared that this wasn’t a mountain, but a molehill and things could look very different tomorrow (it is middle school, you know). And I said I loved her very much, and was so sorry.
But our conversation put a pit in my stomach because the situation felt familiar.
~ I remembered a time I felt left out and rejected.
~ I’ve been caught in the crossfire of drama.
~ I thought of when a friend talked behind my back, saying things so dishonoring.
~ I recalled a time when a confidant shared my secret, exposing my heart.
~ And I thought of other times friends just let me down for one reason or another.
I bet you can, too.
Friendship can be such a tangle-maker, because we tether our heart to hers. And we expect it will always be, so we let our guard down.
We feel safe and secure because we share.
We feel alive and adventurous because we play.
We feel compassion and camaraderie because we listen.
So when we’re betrayed… or rejected… or attacked… or excluded… or ganged-up-on… the knot that reminds us we’re worthless and unlovable tightens.
But maybe – just maybe – these tangles are being exposed because God wants to loosen them. And we can’t untangle what we don’t know is tangled.
Amen?
And while we’re quick to blame it on the devil or on her callousness, maybe the Divine Untangler needs us to be aware of the hurt so we can be aware of the Healer.
©2015 Carey Scott
You are so right – friendships can bring up a variety of heart issues. Watching our children’s friendships brings up pain that has been tangled in our heart, our value, our worth, etc… What an incredible gift to be able to see God in the situation and release Him to do the untangling work not only for your child but also for yourself!!
Jeanelle… God never wastes a moment does He? So often we think the work is for someone else, but we benefit from healing too. I love how God does that.
I am currently going through this as an adult. This really spoke to me today and I think is going to help with healing. The thing that I struggle with is what is the purpose of the hurt when the relationship was built on our Father and he was what brought us together? We both grew closer to him within the friendship he gave us. So why did it have to be destroyed? Such a hard season to walk through.
Kelly… I’m sorry. Sometimes, God’s ways are such a mystery (or most of the time, actually). This is when we hold on to the truth that His plans are to prosper us and not harm us. That’s a tall order, I know. I’m glad God met you in my words today. Be on the lookout for blessings as you walk this one out.