This Christmas break was one of the hardest on record for me. It’s been an emotional tornado and rather than come out of it rested… I am weary.
That’s not how it normally is.
I love the holidays. My inner-child comes alive, and I thrive with all the sights, smells and sounds of Christmas. I love having the kids out of school and planning fun vacation days with them. My husband takes time off and we get to hang out as a family.
Most of the time, I walk into January full of energy and excitement for the new year.
… But this time it was different.
All the traditional family activities surrounding Christmas weren’t as appealing to my kids as they’ve been in the past.
No one wanted to go look at Christmas lights.
They quickly lost interest in cookie decorating.
We watched very few holiday shows.
It was a BIG bummer for me.
I know, I know… they are growing up and things change. I get that. I like that. I love who my kids are becoming. But it was hard to let go of the past, and I mourned the loss of how things used to be at Christmas.
Add to that hormones.
Lots of hormones.
My 10 and 11 year olds are knocking on the door of puberty and it’s been… ehem… interesting. From tears to sassy-ness to mood swings, we’ve had a first class ticket to Crazy Town.
How do you navigate such extreme and irrational fluctuations in your kids with grace and patience?
Lord, help me.
Parenting is hard.
Honestly, I never expected it to be as challenging and hands-on as it actually is. I’m not sure why my expectations were so different from my reality. I guess no one can fully prepare you for being mom… because every child is unique and special… and every mom comes with her own baggage.
Motherhood isn’t a one-size-fits-all role.
Our kids don’t come with instructions.
What works for one child, doesn’t work at all for another.
And while I love being a mom, sometimes it just knocks me to my knees. My home goes from calm to chaos in a moment’s notice. New challenges come flying at me from every direction.
Listen… Motherhood ain’t for sissies.
And in the thick of it… when I’m certain things cannot get worse… God often reveals something about me… to me.
- He reveals a shortcoming or a destructive thought-pattern.
- My children push buttons I never knew were there, and God makes me acutely aware of them.
- I see something in my kids that drives me nuts, and then He gently reminds me it’s… generational.
Aka: Baggage. Bleh…
Are you tracking with me, sister? I bet you know exactly what I am talking about. It’s the journey of being a mom.
You see… so often we find ourselves:
Emotionally worn-down…
Mourning the loss of how things used to be…
Dealing with our kid’s wack-a-doo hormones…
And staring at our own nasty, fleshy issues…
Girls… We need Jesus.
We need to know that He is our IDENTITY.
As moms… as women… we need to know who we are and Whose we are.
Because from our IDENTITY… our words and actions flow.
It’s from that place our self-esteem anchors.
And unless we let Him fill us, direct us, motivate us, calm us, affirm us, and give us His peace… we are going to allow our role as MOM to pull us under. Either that or we will disengage from parenting, letting our kids figure life out themselves.
Sisters… neither is a good option.
What if instead…
we decided to believe that we ARE who God says we are?
we believed God called us into the role of MOM on purpose?
we believed He’ll EQUIP us to be the best mom for our kids?
Sisters… God created YOU to be mom to YOUR kids.
- He knows your shortcomings.
- He knows your tendencies.
- He knows your failures.
- He knows your potential.
And He chose you anyway… stumbles, fumbles and all.
But God also knows that parenting is best done with your eyes on Him.
Are they?
When we place our IDENTITY in Jesus… when we know who we are and Whose we are… we can do all things through Him. Even motherhood.
We can recharge when we’re weary.
We can accept the changes in our kids.
We can find grace for hormones.
We can work through our own issues.
But we need Jesus to do it.
∞
“Father, thank You for assigning me the role of mom to these kids. Help me see them as blessings, even when they make me crazy. Would You secure my identity in You, so it anchors how I parent? Would You help me know who I am and Whose I am, Lord? Help me remember You are my strength, my shield, and my strong tower when motherhood threatens to knock me down. Help me stay engaged and intentional. Help me show these kids who You are by reflecting You in all I do. Help me navigate different seasons in my children’s lives, and know when to give grace and when to give guidance. Heal my woundings that get triggered as I parent. I cannot do this job without You, God. I need You. In Jesus’ name… Amen.”
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©2013 Carey Scott
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Wow- can I relate…. Thanks for the great reminder that God called us into this role and he equips us… BTW- you are a great mom! Thanks for the intentional example you set- keeping our eye on the prize can get tricky- but it’s so worth it!!!
Thanks, Amanda… glad to be in the throws of motherhood with YOU!
Great post Carey!! Amazing how you say exactly how I’m feeling 🙂 Thanks for allowing me to walk with you in 2012 and can’t wait to see what God is doing in your life in 2013!! Wendy
Wendy… I’m so glad knowing I’m not the ONLY mom feeling overwhelmed and discouraged at times. So glad we’ve reconnected, sweet friend!
I could relate to every word of this… Especially crazy town. I did not know there could be two crazy towns in northern Colorado. That made me laugh. Your words are good Carey and a great reminder for me on where to find my peace. In the One who created my family. Thankfully we are not alone on this journey. We all have our own street in crazy town and we need Jesus and each other. Glad you’re on my block. This was a much needed read as I launch into 2013.
Ginger… WE ARE NEIGHBORS! LOL… girl, don’t you know it! Glad to have you right next door because we can keenly relate to each other. Ah… mothering is the hardest job I’ve ever done. But God must love us deeply because He gives us sisters to walk along side us. Thankful for your wisdom, friendship and ability to completely understand my Crazy Town.
Wow!! I had the exact same Christmas experience!! Kinda bummed me out!!
Thank for the reminder that my baggage rears its ugly head all too often!! Just yesterday, in fact. But u have pointed this out to me before and I recognized it then and apologized quickly. Being in God’s word is sooo key for me!! But even then I screw up! Ur message is a great reminder of how desperately we need His spirit to guide us and save us!! And how desperately our kids need us to be real with them, admitting our mistakes and doing our best to continually and intentionally point them to God. Thx Carey!!
Laura… It’s so hard to face our baggage, yes? God has been so “kind” to show me all kind of baggage these past few weeks. Ugh. So hard on the front end, but so very good on the back end. He is in a relentless pursuit of our healing. Our job is to willingly walk it out with Him.
Carey thank you for pointing out how our identity in Him is essential to raising kids. That is profound truth. It is so easy to function on auto-pilot, and not seek the Lord as my source of strength, wisdom and love. My children need my eyes to be focusesd on the Lord :)!!!
Jeanelle… this is a new reality to me, girl. For so long, my identity has been in the wrong places and I’ve been so fleshy because of it. When we know who we are and Whose we are, we parent with the peace of Jesus. We trust Him with our kids. Sheesh… we trust Him with us! Glad that connected today. 🙂
I could write “DITTO” to everything in this post. I only have one child, but we were finally able to move my mother-in-law across the country to live next door to us last summer–so, in a way, you could say that I have two children now. Her attitude throughout the Christmas season completely sucked the life out of me, and I find myself now feeling as if it all slipped by without my being able to really enjoy any of it. Is it all her fault? Probably not. But having to factor her in to all our wonderful traditions, and then listening to her unfiltered comments throughout every activity we cherish–comments about price or how long it takes or just general negativity–truly made it hard to ENJOY what we were doing. But I think you’re right about being anchored in Jesus. What am I saying? I KNOW you’re right. When it all comes down, HE is the reason for the season, not all our little traditions. And I did get to worship Him at the Christmas Eve service (my mother-in-law decided she’d rather stay home alone than join us…because “you’re supposed to be at home with family on Christmas Eve”…ugh!). But we let her do what she wanted, and we went and ENJOYED the candlelight service, worshipped, and fellowshipped with our dearest friends. I guess it wasn’t all that bad after all. But I do feel drained, and just wanted to say thank you for your post. It brings it all back into perspective for me.
Laura… family can be such a tricky bird. They can find those buttons to push so quickly and easily, yes? I’m glad that you pushed through and found little pockets of enjoyment. Sometimes that’s all we can muster. 🙂
Word!
Thank you for this. Christmas wasn’t so much a bummer for us, but I can feel this way about different things in life as the boys go through stages (they are 7 and 4). I totally find the more I am away from Jesus, the more tired/cranky I become. Must remember to ALWAYS focus on God 🙂 Thanks for being an awesome “imperfect” momma and sharing with us!
Oh girl you hit this head on. And I feel for you. Having children was something I didn’t expect and yet it has been the most terrifying and challenging blessing I would never miss for anything I’ve ever had! Keeping him focused on Jesus, keeping my eyes and heart on Him, is so hard and yet when we get it right it is amazing. When we stumble we are learning to lean on each other to get back up again. Christmas was a blessing, but different now that he is a bit older. So good though. Sorry yours was such a challenge. Bless you for your courage and leadership!
WOW–this is EXACTLY how my Christmas went!! I have told several about how my “desired expectations collided head on with my reality.” And it was not pretty. Thank you so much for sharing. 🙂
Sherri… sorry you had the same experience! Good thing we have Jesus, girl! 🙂