It’s the perfect setting.
Sitting in my comfy chair with feet propped up on an ottoman.
To my right, a beautiful view of the snow covered ground and ducks floating on the pond.
Coffee flavored with Vanilla Crème stevia. Just right.
Kids at school and husband at work. Quiet.
Fireplace dancing with orange flames across the room. Warm.
It’s the perfect setting to stir my creativity… but it isn’t working.
Instead, I’m bored.
So bored, in fact, that I’ve started cleaning my house and cooking. Not. Good.
For the past several weeks now, I’ve struggled to find words.
Well, I’ve had words (just ask my kids)… but few words designed to inspire others. Few words to encourage friends or point others to God.
And that’s hard, because I’m a writer and a speaker. It’s what I do.
Words are important to me. I’m a self-professed “word-nerd.” They move me. Jazz me up. I love reading them and using them. A lot.
But as I’ve sat down to write lately… nothing happens.
And it’s messing with me.
I’ve felt … E M P T Y.
U S E L E S S.
“God, why am I in this season?”
Actually, I think I know. And thinking about it now makes me giggle a bit. Because God is clever. Sneaky even.
It’s been a season where He’s been taking things away from me. He has asked me to walk away from people and places that have been substitute gods… and at the same time removing other “comforts” I’ve been holding on to especially tight.
It’s not mean. Or hateful. There’s no joy in seeing me struggle. It’s not for His viewing pleasure (trust me… my temper tantrums are not fun to watch).
But it’s been for my benefit and His glory.
Because for so long, I’ve looked to people and things for my sense of value.
The number of blog comments I received. The quality of compliments my husband gave me each day. The interest my friends showed in my life. The recognition I got for my parenting skills.
And… praise for my words. Written and spoken.
I mean, who doesn’t want to be recognized for a job well done? Who doesn’t want to know that God met another through their blog or speaking engagement? Who doesn’t want to feel like they matter in the world, and are making an impact for the Kingdom?
You know what? That’s not necessarily a bad thing.
But when those things become measurements of your worth… then it becomes a problem.
And it had.
For the past two years, God has been untangling my self-worth from these things.
He wants me to know that He is enough. That I am enough. That His approval and recognition are the ones I need. That my identity is only secure when I place it in Him.
So as much as I love to journey through life with you…
– I don’t need you to comment on or subscribe to my blog for me to feel loved.
– I don’t need a certain number of friends or fans or followers to feel valuable.
– I don’t need your approval or affirmation to feel accomplished.
And it’s freedom. It’s healthy.
Because the truth is… there just aren’t enough people to make me feel like I matter.
Sisters… there aren’t enough people to do that for you… either.
We need Jesus. Every day. For every need. In every situation.
Are you watching God remove things from your life that have become measuring sticks for your sense of value?
It’s hard. But yet… so good.
He loves you too much to leave you… here.
And if He is taking away people and things you’re using to measure your self-worth… it’s because He knows those worldly scales sit on shaky ground.
And you’re so precious to Him.
“Lord, thank You for what You give… and what You take away. Help us only want – only need – Your approval and acceptance. Reveal the value we hold in Your eyes.”
©2013 Carey Scott
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