Last year was… ehem… interesting. You see, God untangled some places in me where insecurity had knotted up my self-esteem.
And believe me, it wasn’t pleasant.
It was messy.
But God did it. God is doing it.
And because of His divine untangling… because of the work we did to silence those not-good-enough messages… I’m making some changes to fit the new me.
It’s going to be a great year.
So here’s my list. And maybe, just maybe… you’ll find something in it for you too.
1) I’ll stop comparing myself to her
Someone will always be thinner. Someone will always be smarter. Someone will always be funnier.
Her husband might be more thoughtful. Her home might be bigger and cleaner. And her kids might be better behaved.
God made me different on purpose. And I’m not going to be discouraged or feel defeated for being … me.
2) I won’t let social media numbers measure my worth
My worth as a woman isn’t determined by the number of followers and friends I have. I don’t feel more valuable because of the number of comments on my blog (although I really do like it when you leave one). You can follow me on Twitter, Pinterest and Instagram, or not. Either way, it won’t change my mood for the day. 🙂
3) I will remember that the number on the scale is just… a number
And that number will no longer affect my confidence or how I feel about myself. I won’t beat myself up when it fluctuates, or allow that digital accuser to measure my beauty. And once I find out where my husband has hidden the scale from me, I might just put it out in the trash.
4) I won’t let my kid’s choices gauge my parental mad-skillz
I love my little people. And I really do think that despite my human condition, I am a good mom. Glory be to God. Amen? But I’m no longer going to gauge my performance as parent by the choices they make – good or bad. Truth is, we do the best we can. We love them. We teach them. We model grace and mercy with our words and actions.
But these little critters come out 95% programmed. And they have a will. So when I get that call from the principal’s office or when they sass-back one too many times, these things won’t be used to measure my value as a mom. But they will however, accurately measure the length of their grounding.
5) I will no longer apologize for my lack of domestic awesomeness
I can cook, but I don’t enjoy it. I may not be adventurous with new and exotic recipes from across the world (or even across the country), but my family eats well. I may have dust bunnies and crumbs that collect in the corners, but we comfortably live in our home. And I’m no longer going to carry guilt about it. As a matter of fact, I’m just going to own it. No more apologies. No more inferior feelings.
Betty Crocker and Marie Callender… welcome to the family.
6) I won’t measure my worth by my success
Sure, there are good friends of mine – amazing women in ministry – that have a bigger following than I do. Many have more books, bigger blogs, more speaking engagements, and are adored by the masses. Some I knew before their surge in popularity, and I’ve watched their promotion from the front row. Sometimes in envy. But instead of using their success as a measuring stick for mine, I will instead applaud them, support them, and pray for God’s favor on their work.
Aren’t we all on the same team anyway?
7) I will shoo away shaming statements
When the Enemy’s voice reminds me of my bad choices… the choices that make me feel bad about who I am… I’m going to be quick to rebuke it. I’m going to remember that I am wonderfully and fearfully made. I’m going to remember that the blood of Jesus fully covered every single mistake I’ve made (and will ever make). And I’m going to remember that my past doesn’t define me anymore.
8) I don’t have to be a super-Christian with all the answers
My self-worth isn’t dependent on how many Bible studies I’ve led. I’m not any better or worse for having questions about theology, and for sometimes getting it wrong. My significance isn’t based on how many verses I’ve memorized, or how quickly I can spew scripture. And I won’t buy into the lie that using big and flowery words makes my prayers more influential.
I may not have all the answers, but I know the One who does.
9) I won’t let the imperfections of my marriage stir up insecurities
News flash… my marriage isn’t perfect. While we have some sweet seasons, we also have rough ones. And they can be nasty. Super crunchy. And sometimes these tough times scare me, and I start believing that our problems are too big and we’re going to end in disaster. But in reality, nothing could be farther from the truth.
So instead of letting my thoughts wander down that dusty path that leads to nowhere, I’m going to head the other direction and lie down in green pastures. And let Him restore my soul.
10) I’m going to remember that their heart for me is good
Sometimes friendship is tricky, and can trigger our not-good-enough feelings lickety-split. God and I are still working this one out, but we’ve come so far. In the past, I’ve been easily offended, have felt insignificant, and have battled feelings of rejection. But this year I’m going to remember that friends are icing on the cake… not the cake itself. They add to life, not make it.
And that in most cases, their heart for me is good.
I wonder… what are YOU going to change in 2015?